The Instruction…
Today I know the Holy Spirit was leading me to read
scripture but instead the desire to go shopping popped in my head. It spoke and
I did NOT follow. I didn’t desire to go shopping at just any mall either but rather an
outlet mall! You know…the kind of place with ALL the deals, endless name brand
stores and the place that’s so far away you want to make your long trip there
worth it? Yeah, that type of shopping! That small still voice speaks a reminder:
Remember, you were supposed to read scripture? I’m still trying to understand
what it means to hear the Holy Spirit as it at times can be peaceful, still and
gentle. (1 Kings 19:12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not
in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle
whisper.) Decisions in life can be like that sometimes. The Holy Spirit
knows how powerful His presence can be so He speaks to us gently at first. I
contradicted, fought and compromised that still small voice at first in PEACE.
The compromising voice sounds much better…
“Well maybe if you just decided to go to Ross you won’t
spend as much. Especially since you need more modest clothing to wear to work.”
My compromise was against God’s original plan all together! It wasn’t better; I
was finally away from His initial plan. Isn’t that how Satan deceived Eve?
(I Tim 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman
being deceived was in the transgression.) God gave her specific
instructions, not instructions in a different language, or jumbled up so that
she couldn’t understand them. They were specific! They were wise and had purpose! As
a woman I know first hand how it is so easy for me to get lured into something
that is hard to handle after the fact.
My final decision went from going against the original plan of the still small voice to the direction of the Outlet mall.
My reasoning…
I came to my own conclusion that Jesus
wants us to enjoy the “good” things of this life so wouldn’t it make sense to
just do it? Sometimes hearing that still small voice can seem “controlling” but
isn’t it love that drives our
perfection in Jesus in the first place? (1 John 4:8) Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. I think this verse
went out the window at the time of my reasoning because all I saw was my
desires. It’s a Saturday and what else better is there to do than go shopping?
I drive 35 miles to Premier Outlets and for some reason I feel so tired! Is
this why the still small voice spoke? Could God predict that I wasn’t going to
feel like shopping once I got there? The Holy Spirit usually shows us why we
shouldn’t pursue worldly things but because of free will we move and He gives
us up to our own desires. (Psalm 81:12 So I let them follow their own
stubborn desires, living according to their own ideas.) I can’t afford to lead
myself Jesus! I DON’T WANT TO LEAD ALONE! What if God wasn’t a free will kind
of God? Like…the angry street preachers and the cults that with all sincerity control
their followers? (I think of this as I type) God wants us to want Him. God first loved us but isn’t
it a two way love which perfects a relationship? Doesn’t it just hurt when we
love someone and they don’t love us back? I try everyday to understand what
this mean and I fail everyday…we are
human.
My stubborn desires lead
me…
As I’m making purchase after purchase after purchase my
doubts are at work, my arms are getting tired and my financial decisions get
worst. 5 hours later, 7 stores visited and debt which I don’t even want to
speak of! This is the result of my desires. Why couldn’t I just know when
enough is enough? Our desires don’t lead us to be productive, sound minded or
blessed. They only lead to internal battles. James 4:1 (What causes fights and
quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?) Without
realizing it, we can create “battles” that didn’t have to be in our lives.
Whether its with someone or internally, we strive to figure out why. How could
this happen? We know the answer to that! Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God
cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. What we put in is what we get out
and somehow we “fool” ourselves to reach the “destination” in the first place.
James 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and
enticed.
The Aftermath…
I finally get home and I realize that I haven’t paid my cell
phone bill, I haven’t tithed, nor do I have groceries, gas, the list goes on. I
am way over budget and I haven’t even considered the important things! My
careless attitude of charging what I want
on my credit card took charge. Why do I care in the first place? Jesus knew
my prayers! (Psalm 18:6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto
my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even
into his ears.) Just this year by the grace
of God I paid off all of my debt and He knew
that I prayed to be debt free. When Jesus knows the life you TRULY want to live
He will bring to your attention what you should be careful with.
God’s Grace…
I had to humble myself before Jesus! That night, the spirit
gave me further guidance…”Sell back all that you bought”. What??? No way
Jesus!! I mean, can I at least keep like the amazing makeup kit I got from Bare
Essentials that was originally worth well over $200 but I got for $60? I mean,
it was an awesome buy! The Holy Spirit was NOT unclear in His mission to save
me from my path to financial distress. We yearn to be saved yet when God tries
to save us we can be very stubborn in the salvation process. God however knows
how this world works; leading us by pulling us away from security in Him. 1
Samuel 2:9 "He will protect his faithful ones, but the wicked will
disappear in darkness. No one will succeed by strength alone." What? My will power isn't good enough!? Isn't God good like this though? He knows how weak we are so he offers to be with us forever through the freely giving of His Holy Spirit.
The Confirmation…
I get to church and what do you know! The pastor is
specifically preaching on the rich man’s desire to entire the Kingdom of God.
In my own way I am the “rich” man holding on to my desires. Whatever your desire
is…insert “Rich man” here. Rich man; one having “everything”, desiring more but
not necessarily willing to give up this life for what he ultimately desires…a
TRUE, intimate relationship with the Creator. The things that will one day fade
away lures him back once Jesus tells him to sell all his “riches” (Luke 18:22-23
Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one
thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt
have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me. When he heard this, he became
very sad, because he was a man of great wealth.) God
spoke, I listened…”You prayed for a complete fulfilled life. The world doesn’t
offer what I can give you.” Jesus, I get it!
The challenge that freed me…
Later that day I did what was
undoubtedly the hard thing to do. I took back everything! I was so embarrassed!
What I did wasn’t to benefit me…or was it? I had about 8 bags, the same thing
on that I wore the day before and a very sad face! Lol…I was so challenged but
so determined! The grace of God was upon me! What will people think of me I
thought? What about the lady who took about 30 minutes trying to help me find a
dress for the wedding in Chicago?
What about the lady who spent 20 minutes showing me how to put on my bare
essentials makeup? Isn’t it so easy to challenge the still small voice? Each
time I dropped a bag off I had to say: “I’m returning this for personal reasons”
I guess when you’re trying to be free from the potential hardships of this life
it comes with embarrassment. She’ll never forget me (I thought) but more
important I will never forget the grace of God! Every time I dropped off a bag,
my heart got lighter, my arms got freer and my life seemed easier. SOOOO much PEACE overwhelmed me after the last bag was dropped off and I was so happy to see that I was debt free again. Thank you Jesus!
Life can be hard and the road may
be long to freedom but there is a God waiting for us to reach out and seek His
wisdom. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know
the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
