How you answer the call

When Christ calls us, He calls us to action! We enjoy the benefits of salvation; a new life, the forgiveness of our sins, reconciliation with God (Romans 5:10), liberty, happiness and the list goes on. What then? This is the question I asked when I got saved at 19. I fasted for a whole week about my childhood dream of being an actress and God said: Write! I ran away from this so many times whether through laziness, distractions, substitutions and NOTHING positive ever came out of those decisions. Everyday the Holy Spirit prompted me to tell others about Jesus and write. I was prompted to minister to those who I came across on the street but I was so worried of what they would think of me. I occasionally gave in to my sins not realizing that my freedom in Christ was not to be used as an occasion to the flesh. (Galatians 5:13) I also didn’t realize that my fleshly desires aren’t going to die down until I FIRST walked in the spirit (Galatians 5:16). I tainted my relationships with guys that I met because I lived out a life of self righteousness everyday. I was getting by in my walk with God but I wasn’t really going anywhere. Every time I wrote I felt at peace and felt as if I was living out my purpose but I stopped believing in what God was putting on my heart to write. This time I knew when I was wrong! I couldn’t make excuses that I was too young anymore or I just didn’t know any better. I went to church (I felt bad when I missed), constantly put God second to EVERYTHING (I’m still trying to learn how to overcome this) and let each day go by feeling like I am not living out my purpose. My living in disobedience convinced me that my life was a reflection of Matt 13:22. In fact this is exactly what I identified with when I thought of my life!

Recently I’ve come to the realization that I went through exactly one whole year and a half of living each day in complete emptiness. I didn’t feel the joy that the bible said I would have (John 15:11) I moved to PA for a job and (a guy) but ended up just being alone in a small town where nothing much was going on. I couldn’t figure out why church could only feel the void (momentarily) that I was experiencing in my life. I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t find fulfillment in my job I prayed for. It didn’t make sense that I was so drawn to Facebook (when I woke up and when I went to sleep) yet felt like I was wasting my life away. I felt so uneasy with the decision to invest in the relationship I moved to PA for SO I broke that off quick! Later I would reconnect with that person and looked for their call every morning and night. I finally realized that having a man wasn’t the cure to my emptiness! I didn’t always see God in my life and my prayers felt so empty. I started to pursue an acting class to make something out of my evenings but there was so much emptiness in my time spent there. I wanted that fire back! Per previous posts that I’ve written about, God has recently showed me that I’m in this town with no friends or family for a reason. My loneliness isn’t in vain! By the grace of God I feel resilient! It has become such a blessing to hear of what God is doing in the lives of those around me. Nothing could ever compare to experiencing the presence of the fullness of God in your life! (Psalm 16:11) Especially when you make the conscious decision not to seek what you think you need to fill your emptiness.

The good news is that God never gives up on us being an advocate for Him! I prayed just a couple of weeks ago that God’s will is done in my life. I stopped making trivial requests! When I prayed for my job (a year and a half ago) I knew it was an answered prayer yet eventually ungratefulness kicked in. I know there is a reason that what our hearts desires will only make us feel like we’ve gotten what we’ve lacked at that moment. Regardless, I’ve felt way more alive in the past week than I have ever felt in my whole life of living! When you wake up knowing God has called you to assist in reconciling others with Him living in itself becomes a responsibility. (2 Corinthians 5:18) Someone once said, “I’m not a Consultant who happens to be a child of God, I am a child of God who happens to be a Consultant.” That resonates with me. Insert whatever job you have in place of Consultant. No longer do our jobs, relationships with people (including intimate relationships), or paths we go down via our day to day activities are purposeless UNLESS we miss the opportunity to fill them with purpose. We are in this together so let’s encourage each other!